I was having a bad week – I crashed the car and the cat carked it 我有一个糟糕的一周 - 我撞了车，猫carked它

Weighed myself outside Woolies and I’d put on 4 kilos 权衡自己毛裤外面，我把4公斤

   

Arranged to meet an old friend for coffee 约好老友咖啡

I poured my heart out – told her all about 我倾注我的心脏了 - 告诉她所有关于

Poor dead fluffy, and the bloody car, and did she think I should go on a diet? 可怜死了蓬松和血腥的车，她又觉得我应该去减肥？

   

She studied my face, trying to frame the words to say 她研究我的脸，试图帧的话想说

Just the right blend of sympathy and advice 恰到好处的融合同情和建议

She took a big breath. 她花了一大口气。

And looked into my eyes and she said: 看着我的眼睛，她说：

   

You should go on Australian Idol! 你应该去澳洲偶像！

Even if you don’t win, you’ll have a great time. 即使你不赢，你将有一个美好的时光。

Don’t worry that you don’t look like a supermodel 别担心，你不会看起来像一个超级名模做

They’re even letting fatties on there now so you should be fine. 他们甚至让胖子在那里，现在，所以你应该罚款。

   

I said ‘Thanks, I feel a lot better now’ 我说： “谢谢，我感觉好多了，现在

Then I erased her number from my phone 然后，我删除了她的号码从我的手机

I didn’t know how much we’d grown apart. 我不知道我们会多么分道扬镳。

   

The very next day was my birthday. 第二天是我的生日。

No one called, except my grandma 没有人叫，除了我的奶奶

And she was drunk, she just needed a lift home from the pub 她是醉了，她只是需要搭车回家，从酒吧

   

Then that Sunday night, I went to dinner with my rellies 然后那个星期天晚上，我去吃饭我rellies

They said ‘Happy Birthday! Do you mind if we put the tv on? 他们说生日快乐！你介意我们把电视上？

It’s nearly the final of Australian Idol and 这几乎是最后的澳洲偶像和

   

You should go on Australian Idol 你应该去澳洲偶像

You’re much prettier than her – she looks like a pudding 你比她漂亮多了 - 她看起来像一个布丁

‘You’ll win it no worries love’ said my uncle “你赢了没有后顾之忧的爱”说我叔叔

And I just turned and looked at him like he was something that I stood in. 而我只是转过身看着他，好像他是东西，我站在英寸

   

And don’t get me wrong – if I turn on the tv and it’s on 而且不要误会我的意思 - 如果我打开电视，它的上

I can’t stop watching. Even with the ads 我不能停下来观看。甚至与广告

Even with those two dickheads blabbing on between songs 即使这两个dickheads blabbing在歌曲之间

I love to see their spirits crushed, their egos shattered 我喜欢看到他们的精神粉碎，他们的自我破灭

I love the ones that really suck in the first auditions 我爱那些真正吸第一试镜

I love to watch them sob, their dreams in tatters 我喜欢看他们哭泣，他们的梦想支离破碎

And I laugh while I eat my dinner 我笑了，而我吃我的晚餐

They’re crying in their 5-star hotel, and I’m cackling on my cack-brown couch 他们哭泣的5星级酒店，而且我咯咯地叫我CACK褐色沙发

And it’s not that I am jealous, I’m not jealous, I’m not jealous. 而且这不是我嫉妒，我不吃醋，我不嫉妒。

The next Sunday, I had a pretty bad hangover 接下来的星期天，我有一个非常糟糕的宿醉

   

Feeling pretty grumpy 感觉还脾气暴躁

Sitting on the couch, eating Pringles feeling sorry for myself. 坐在沙发上，吃着品客薯片为自己感到难过。

I flipped to Channel 10 and before I knew it I was watching a really short guy 我翻了翻频道10之前，我就知道我在看一个很短的家伙

Singing that really annoying song by Craig David. 唱歌真的很烦歌曲克雷格大卫。

   

Suddenly I rose to my feet – it must have been divine intervention 我突然涌上了我的脚 - 这一定是天意

I saw the light in front of me, and I screamed! 我看见光在我面前，我尖叫！

   

Why am I watching Australian Idol? (God!) 为什么我看澳洲偶像？ （天啊！ ）

Am I really reduced to this pitiful state? Jesus! 难道我真的要减少这种可怜的状态呢？耶稣！

I may as well just head down to my local karaoke bar 我可能也只是低着头，以我的本地卡拉OK酒吧

Or better still just change to SBS. 或者更好的是只是改变到SBS 。

You better believe it – I changed to SBS 你最好相信它 - 我换到SBS

So Marcia, Dicko, whatever your name is… 所以玛西娅，迪科，无论你的名字是...

Shove it up your ass! 推它你的屁股！